User blog:Johndoe-m9/Dual Rap Battle
4:00 AM, near the 12th Precinct (Inside a building near the police precinct, Jones and Gloria are seen making a music video in a mixing room, possibly working with other people here) Gloria: (pointing what Jones is doing) Hey, can you put that little, uh, thing back down in there? No, no, no, the one below it. Jones: (annoyed) You’re just a little up in my face right now. Gloria: (sarcastically) Oh, I’m sorry. Am I being annoying? ‘Cause you said we’d be done at 10, and it’s 4 in the morning. Jones: (tired of this) Look, I don’t know how to say this, but you know what? F*ck it. Let me just f*cking say it... (As Jones talks, a police officer gives him a microphone while Jones puts on headphones, starting the rap battle) Jones: I'm fucking burnt out, man! It's like six years every day That I wake up and come to work to look at your hungover face! I need some personal space to get away from your screaming, But every time I turn my back, mother fucker, you start scheming To take over control of some shit I'm already doing just fine! We'd have more fans than PewDiePie if you didn't fight me every time I try to take our little baby in a creative direction! I'm trying to make art, mother fucker; you're trying to find a rhyme for erection! I'm sorry, man! No, I'm fucking not! Fuck you! You're second class! That's why I let you run GPD2! You're so afraid to lose, but losing's all you do, And tonight, I'm not quitting this battle! Bitch, I'm quitting you! (As Jones raps, the officer points to another officer, who gives a memory card to a crew member, who goes to the editing room where three editors are seen working on the music video. The crew member then gives the first editor the card while screens on six computers appear, with the final one showing Jones and Gloria in front of a green screen. Jones holds the logo of Criminal Case before throwing it away and points down to Gloria’s groin. Jones then pops up to the camera with a smile to sarcastically apologize to Gloria before another one pops up closer to the camera with an angry face, taking back the apology and pointing to it along with four more smaller Joneses, with one of them flipping Gloria off. Jones is now seen alone on the screen and flashes two fingers, symbolizing now Gloria is “second class”. Gloria and Jones show up, with the latter showing a The Conspiracy logo before walking away from her. At the end of his verse, Jones then turns to Gloria and points to her) Gloria: Quit me then, you pussy! We'll see what happens! I'll sit back and watch you unravel and revel in pure satisfaction! I'm out of compassion for you and your self-righteous bullshit! Erection jokes, dude? Your whole name means dick! I'm sick of smoothing things out! The same routine! The entire team is right! I'm covering your entire ass behind the scenes, And then I try to tell you things, but you're too stubborn to understand! Like, dude, that is not a cool way to go Batman! You manipulate your friends, and then you throw them away! I don't know who you shit on worse: myself or El Rey! But I'm not an entrée at one of your fancy restaurants, So quit eating up my time picking one of your fancy fonts, And make a fucking decision so all these people can leave! Excuse me for interrupting going league with that punching speed! They got places to be, and now they're looking at me! Nice Diva is my new name for you, Jones D! (As the background turns black, Gloria angrily raises her head and threatens Jones. Two Glorias appear, one pointing her finger at Jones and the other reveling in satisfaction. Gloria then reveals two large white words that show Jones’ full name, with her taking up the space between the words. Gloria throws away the name and shows the team, sporting disapproving and angry looks at Jones. For the entirety of the rap battle, multiple backgrounds change for the two opponents. Gloria angrily points to her head before another her uses her hands to make a mock Batman mask, crudely comparing Jones to said superhero. Gloria then puts her hands near each other and quickly scrambles them before showing The Conspiracy logo and throwing it away. She also points to herself and then Hector Montoya aka El Rey to the right, who still has his prison uniform and a disapproving look on his face like the team. Gloria reveals a dish plate and opens the cover, revealing a clock at 4:01 AM, before throwing it away and closing up to Jones before more Glorias appear. Gloria then makes arm gestures at Jones, mocking his Stand, King Platinum, and shows several shadows of people behind her staring at her menacingly. Gloria then stamps Nice Diva on Jones’ chest, only for it to be stopped by King Platinum) Jones: And doink! Nice punchline, bro. Your jokes haven't grown since you told them in a lunch line, bro! You're an eight-year-old girl stuck inside a whatever-year-old woman! "(Argh!) Look at me! I'm Gloria! Check me out! I can Rap about my problems instead of solving them!" If you wanna heal, you gotta deal with your issues 'cause a bottle's not stopping them! (Jones patronizes Gloria and points to her torso. Two Joneses appear and dance out of him, who then reveals a line of Joneses with Gloria on the middle of the line, with the formers annoyed by her “jokes”. Jones also shows a smaller dancing Gloria and sends her into a regular-sized Gloria, with noticeable wrinkles and grays on her hair. To mock Gloria, Jones dresses up as her and imitates her voice. “Gloria” Jones is then seen on top of a crate, mocking her height, before pulling it upwards while Jones, now facing Gloria, shows her being depressed and drinking the whole bottle) Gloria: Don't take this battle there, dude. You don't want that at all! Let me guess: right now you're on two fists and a load and a half of adrenal, And that makes you aggressive, and then you fuck up all the fun, So why don't you trust your people and stop altering their shit after they're done? (Gloria shows two dancing Joneses on the left, resembling the “fists”, and one swinging Jones on the right, resembling the “adrenal”. A scene of Jones is shown, who is inside the precinct screaming and trashing everything in a fit of rage while Gloria and Diane tries to calm him down. Gloria then shows Jones “the people” involved in the rap battle and spins her hands around, symbolizing Jones’ “altering their sh*t”) Jones: Yo, don't try to paint me as some compulsive little jerk! If you weren't so cheap, we could hire some editors that do good work! Who do you think just— (Jones defends himself and indirectly insults the editors. He then stretches his hand back to show them. However, as he is rapping, an editor “enlarges” his hand, much to Jones’ annoyance) Jones: (annoyed) Oh, that's real funny, Andrew! Gloria: (with a enlarged head, annoyed) Aww, c'mon! Now what the f**k did I do? Allrounda Beats Gloria: (confused) What? Jones: (angrily) Hey, who the f**k left the tag in? Jones and Gloria: (finally cracking) ERRRRRR!!! (Jones and Gloria turn to each other and grab each other’s shoulders before pausing, reverting the background back into the green screen. They are now seen in a TrendVid video called, “Nice Jones vs EpicGLORIA (ERBoH Parody)”, with the viewer pressing the like button) Gloria: Thanks. Jones: Yeah. Gloria: (facing upwards with Jones) Hey, Allrounda, can you put the... yeah, and the little, yeah, uh, nice... Jones: (pointing to the editors) We cool, guys? Blank: Yeah. Editor 1: I guess so. Crew Member 1: (moving to the mixing room) Okay, I've got the card. Crew Member 2: Did you dump it? Crew Member 3: Get your mark. Police Officer 1: Quiet, please! Police Officer 2: Here we go! Police Officer 1: And action! (Jones and Gloria now rap their last verses simultaneously) Jones: Yo, I guess what I'm saying, man, is that I'm running out of patience, man! I'm a patient man, but sometimes you need to be a patient, man! I got the same shit that I was dealing with at the very beginning! I'm trying to get somewhere with it, man, but all your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning! Gloria: I've fought like a wife and gone under the knife, And I've taken years off of the back of my life! Man, since right in the beginning we been fighting! No one's winning! People would kill to do what we do for a living! Your bitching is keeping my wheels spinning! (Jones and Gloria awkwardly turn to each other, seeing how they said the same thing) Jones: That was weird. Gloria: Yep. Jones: (apologetic) I’m sorry about some of the things that I said. Gloria: (jokingly, but apologetic) I’m sorry about the way you played Batman. Jones: I think I just need a break. Gloria: Yeah, me too. Jones: (content) You wanna write a song? Gloria: (excited) Yeah, dude! (Jones and Gloria, now setting aside their differences, leave the mixing room) 6:30 AM, Turner Residence Cathy: Are the cameras ready? (Rook is seen fixing a camera created by Cathy into place outside the house. Gabriel and Alex are also seen spectating what Rook and Cathy are doing on a chair) Rook: First time? Cathy: (rubbing the back of her head) Well, not really. The first time I was placing about two or three camera on propellers to record my powers at first, (cheeks flushing red and smiling sheepishly) although I DID mowed the neighbor’s lawn with it. Alex: Wow, I still can’t believe my wife has her own Stand! (fantasizing) Imagine how much technology she could make with this power! (Alex imagines a superior Cathy on a throne filled with technology, only for it to be dusted away by Gabriel) Gabriel: Let’s not get a little overboard around here, Alex. Here, Utopia is a sentient Stand hard to control and yet to be developed by Cathy, so we wouldn’t know what kinds of powers it would have. (Cathy and Rook finish setting up the cameras and the background while various holographic projections of Cathy start up the film. One holographic Cathy holds up a clapperboard while the Cathys film the scene and change the background of the neighborhood while the directing Cathy pulls up a megaphone) Directing Cathy: Alright team, take 5! No mistakes, and no distractions! Light, camera, action! CLICK! Epic Rap Battles of History Elon Musk VS Mark Zuckerberg (Cathy (dressed as Elon Musk) is seen tidying her jacket before looking at the camera along with another Cathy, who is using her phone. Rook (dressed as Mark Zuckerberg), who is sitting on a desk, looks at a glass of water and drinks it) BEGIN! Cathy: Call me Musk. (Uh!) I'm here to help. (Yeah!) Flush a Zucker-turd for humanity's health! I'm making brilliant innovations in a race against the Dark Ages! You provide a place to discover your aunt's... kinda racist! Got called to Senate, (Cathy sits on a stool while six of her appear holding Not-a-Flamethrowers before activating them. Cathy, who is now facing Rook, flushes a miniature version of Rook down a toilet while holding out a health symbol. Cathy then shows a blue device on the temple of her head and picks up the subtitles, “in a race against the dark ages”, with her hand, demonstrating her technological ability. A phone is shown with a Facebook profile of Zuckerberg’s aunt, only to be compared to a racism symbol. To fill in Cathy’s sentence, Dianne Feinstein appears slamming her gavel) Feinstein: Data hack. Cathy: You acted so robotic Star Trek's like, (Jean-Luc Picard appears behind Cathy) Picard: "We need Lieutenant Data back!" Cathy: I'm Tony Stark with a James Bond sprinkle tossed in, And I've been flossin' since you double-crossed the Winklevoss twins! (Cathy lands down with an Iron Man Mark L armor, before revealing herself in a James Bond outfit holding a Walther PPK. She then dances along with the Iron Man armor to reveal a flossing Cathy) Rook: Data was a lieutenant commander, to start, But I wouldn't expect you to understand an org chart. See, here's mine: I'm at the top (top), boss (boss), And I'm spitting fire like I'm hot (hot) sauce (sauce)! You can't sneak up on Zuck; I don't even fucking blink! I'm the CEO of KNOWING WHAT YOU THINK, INC.! I've been looking up your family; it gets dark, my god! Couldn't clean your daddy's laundry with Apar-Tide-pods! Watch me, Oculus, Instagram, WhatsApp. Post! I'm cleaning up like a Wet-nap. Boast! I drive around in a hatchback. Beep beep! I'll end your story like Snapchat. Ghost! Elon, you're nothing but an attention-seeking outcast, And your star is faded like you on a podcast! (As Rook raps, Cathy rolls her eyes in annoyance. Rook shows an org chart to Cathy, showing “himself” to be at the top. He then drops the chart to show two miniature Rooks dancing and wearing different clothes. The echoes of “top”, “boss”, “hot”, and “sauce” are also shown in bold and floating words. Rook is later seen in a blue background with five moving Rooks behind him to merge into one. Two Rooks playing VR devices are seen beside Rook as he closes up on Cathy. Back in the office, two Rooks beside him appear from the screen while “KNOWING WHAT YOU THINK, INC.” is shown in blue words in the middle of the screen. Rook also looks through a laptop while Cathy dismissively throws her hands out. A Tide Pod is seen unsuccessfully trying to destroy Rook’s computer, only bouncing off. As multiple Rooks are shown dancing and doing gestures, Rook reveals logos of Oculus, Instagram, and WhatsApp before pressing a post button. He then uses a Wet-nap to wipe the screen before being shown in a hatchback and throwing a Snapchat logo at Cathy’s face, shattering her to pieces, or “ending her story”. Cathy is later seen smoking weed while sitting on a podcast, with the stars representing her fading into nothingness) Cathy: Dope smoking with Joe Rogan don't slow-motion my pace, man! When I'm conquering MySpace, it's actual space, man! I got a loan from the White House, boom! Sent that shit straight to the Moon! Now I'm taking mankind to Mars, but for your kind, man, I ain't got room! Your platform only launches depression! Who put the elf with no friends in charge of human connection? (Hey!) You claim to be some kind of saint, but you ain't! Why don't you Lean In and FaceMash my musky Dutch taint! I'm destined to rep Earth; you sold us out for some net worth! Your site's got so many Russian bots, they should call it the Social Nyet-work! (With a trail of smoke gathering up in the background, Cathy comes out of her seat and turns to Rook with a high look while leaving out afterimages. The smoke is revealed to have come from Cathy’s rocket boots, with her putting on goggles before taking off. Now in space, Cathy flies up to Mars while dodging a satellite. As she lands, Cathy takes off her goggles and has Rook weighed down enough to break the ground, creating a depression-like crater. As Rook climbs out of the crater, he is suddenly seen wearing an elf outfit. Four more Cathys appear to taunt Rook, who dance until she points to her groin, having Rook fall into it off-screen while fire comes out to change the scene. Two Cathys are seen behind Cathy planting a flag of Earth. Cathy then presses a Facebook app to reveal several Russian bots before turning the word “Facebook” into “Social Nyet-Work”) Rook: Ooo, bots! I know A.I. gets you tweeting. I read your feed while eating toast from robot Morgan Freeman. You need to start sleeping; we can all see you're tired. You're about to be CE-Oh shit, he got fired! (Ooh!) You got all these companies, but they're incomplete! I've got one, and I fold money: income, pleat! Set your self-driving truck to haul your ass home 'Cause this battle's like PayPal: you got owned! (Rook sarcastically waves his hands out in response to Cathy’s last sentence. Twitter “tweets” from Musk are seen while Cathy uses her phone to send them out. Rook is seen eating breakfast with a robotic Morgan Freeman aside him while Cathy is seen on a CEO desk with her eyes tired and sporting bags. Another Rook passes by and reveals the bad news to Cathy. Rook shows the logos of the companies Musk was affiliated too before showing the Facebook logo. He then makes money appear and folds it. A Tesla truck then appears near Cathy before Rook and two copies of him close up to her while a cashier sound effect was heard) WHO WON? WHO'S NEXT? YOU DECIDE! EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY! (The rap battle ends) Directing Cathy: Cut! And that’s a wrap, everybody! (Everybody claps along with the holograms used for the copies in the battle. The directing Cathy gives her original self the memory card. Cathy then takes out her phone to plug it in) Utopia: Drop it. No phones today. Cathy: What? Why? Utopia: You just have to see. (Cathy gives Utopia the card. The Stand uses her arm to reveal multiple sockets, surprising Cathy) Cathy: Wow... How much can you hold? Utopia: Depends on what you want. (inserts the card into a socket) And there! It would take a couple of seconds for the video to be in TrendVid. Rook: So what do you guys think? Gabriel: It’s okay, I guess. It’s not that bad, but don’t you know it’s plagiarism to copy somebody’s work? Alex: I’m going with Gabriel too. Cathy, though I like your performance here, I can’t help but feel a bit bummed about us being selfish people. Well, if we’re gonna make our videos, then we have to combine our minds together to be creative as hell! Gabriel: Though I don’t like that one last word you said, I agree with you. Cathy: Yeah, we only to did it as an activity anyways... Rook: Well, we did went overboard with the filming, but we can still do a few more if we have the time. Cathy: (nods) Utopia, take it down. Cars will be there. (Utopia uses her power to eradicate all of the filming set, equipment, and holograms before giving the memory card to Cathy. Zoe then appears with a duffel bag looking at her phone before seeing Rook, Cathy, Gabriel, and Alex) Zoe: Oh, hi Rook. Hi Gabriel. Hi Mr. and Mrs. Turner. Rook: Oh, hey Zoe, what’s up with the duffel bag? Zoe: It’s... (scratching her head) It’s complicated. Alex: You found a new job? Zoe: Not yet, but I think of getting one soon... now that everything’s over. So what are you guys doing? Gabriel: We’re using a TrendVid account. Well, so far, our videos are simply music. You want to join. Zoe: Oh, I would love to, but I have something important to do. See you. (Zoe leaves) Gabriel: Well that’s convenient. It’s like what cara mia says all of the time. It’s best if we leave this be; we wouldn’t want to be filed as stalkers. Rook: Well it’s not stalking if you get caught, it’s I Spy. (The team giggles a bit at the joke while Gabriel is unamused) Gabriel: Isn’t that the same thing? Rook: Might be... Let’s go meet up with Nathan. It’s been a while. (The team leaves while Rook calls Nathan) Meanwhile... (A tall and old, but muscular man is seen lifting weights continuously. He then drops the weight and goes to a wastebasket, using a match to light up what seems to be a dismembered corpse. Seeing a picture of the location of a unknown meteorite, man then grins evilly) To be continued... Category:Blog posts